- to encourage anyone, anywhere, in their exploration of the spiritual path that calls to them even if others don’t understand. you are not alone.
- to inform other seekers that the regular writing of poetry about the relationship with your Deity of choice can enrich life tremendously. the same is true about painting and drawing images of the Deity of your choice. it can bring the relationship alive & facilitate deeper communion.
- to demonstrate that sincerity & devotion in this approach to the spiritual is fundamental & more essential than talent or skill in writing or art.
- to urge especially those who are in the latter years of life to deepen the focus on the nonphysical spiritual realm. poetry & art can help greatly with this.
- to express & fulfill my dedication & devotion to Shiva, who has shown me all that i have painted & written about. He began with the nonverbal intuitive paintings, continued with the verbal expressive poetry & now moves to the global cyber realm. this is my service to Shiva, the Deity of choice who guides my life. may you be inspired & energized in your own explorations & journey! namaste!
lullabies
the sounds of a nursing home late at night echo dull background humming of central climate control murmur of someone's tv down the long hallway sharp clatter of an object falling to the floor a soft low moaning cry in a frail shaking voice the quick rhythm of a nurse's hurried footsteps sudden boom of thunder & hard rain drumming down. the musical tones in my head rising falling focussed mind repeating my beloved mantra singing silent sacred lullabies to Shiva in the warm arms of the transformative darkness om namah Shivaya on namah Shivaya
i know You
i know You in my tears which flow in happiness from the balm of Your presence, renewing vision. this vision is of the heart open in blessing & these tears are an offering at Your altar. i know You in the blood pulsing through the body, thoroughly pervading everywhere within me. You sing the same salty hymn in my own blood as You sing in the mother, the ocean unbounded. i know You in the sweet morning dew fresh upon the bright flowers nodding gently in the garden. i have seen You winking at me from the rainbows flashing in dewdrops in the early rays of sun. i know You in the soft drip-dropping of the rain as You nourish mineral, plant & animal, journeying all the way up from the wide ocean & down to earth again by devas dressed in clouds. i know You in the stream rushing down the mountain to quench the thirst & guide to fruitful level ground. animals eagerly come to Your banks to drink & many little lives rejoice in Your blessings. i know You in the river in the raging storm, flooding over human structures, washing away the known & certain, casting it aside like straw, reshaping the borders of our crushed illusions. i know You in the ocean, vast, rhythmic, surging in & out swelling, thundering, owning the earth from horizon to horizon, mother of life. i am but a wave in the broad ocean of You. everywhere that i look i see You, i know You! i disappear in the glory of You, Shiva! it seems that i do not exist except as an observer of You, again & again, of You!
wild compassion
what could i possibly write about, think about or do that is not in reality done by You, Lord Shiva? there is nothing else but You, my Lord. all my words are but clouds in the vast sky of You, drifting in the wind of You. out of the light in the eyes of strangers, You can emerge like swift invisible fireworks that light up my shy heart, linking me with You in powerful silent explosion. how can i forget You who dazzle with Your effulgence? the plot of this human story, like walls, encloses me. enforcers on the rooftops of my mind shoot down upon freedom fighters determinedly smuggling contraband thoughts, yet i press forward with them anyway, dodging sniper fire. a fierce joke is this maya, long skirts hiding combat boots! i am laughing & crying, as i also stand apart, while gazing upon this lovely mesmerizing drama, wild compassion overflowing the floodgates of my heart. there is nothing else but You, Shiva. all my words are but clouds in the vast sky of You, drifting in the wind of You.
these words
i wrap you in these words when the cold wind bites through your mask when the rags you wear fall apart when your dark secrets are exposed i wrap you in these words om namah shivaya i rub these words into your skin like rose-scented lotus oil like a warm healing unguent like a gentle angel's touch i rub these words into your skin om namah shivaya i feed these words to you in the emptiness of hunger in the solitude of your night in the depths of your abstraction i feed these words to you om namah shivaya i shine these words into you like sunlight into your shadows like moonlight upon your ocean like the warmth that pulls sprout from seed i shine these words into you om namah shivaya i plant these words in your soul into the nameless they go plunging into the subtle shifting yearning into the moist readiness of now i plant these words in your soul om namah shivaya
a higher pitch
You have tuned me to a higher pitch. i feel You singing throughout my cells, vibrating in the space between thoughts. Your resonant patterns catch me up & carry me beyond word & form. i dissolve back into You once more, crescendo fading into silence, recommencing in higher octave -- subliming into pure vibration. You have tuned me to a higher pitch.
wonder
You took me at the peak of my glad celebration, negating laws of physics, erasing everything. You removed the concept "impossible" from my mind, threw me in a multidimensional miracle & shocked my mind silent, leaving me in stunned wonder. that wonder still clothes me like an invisible cloak, something too amazing to share, yet it changed my life. speaking of it is like catching fish with hands only, or caging wind in the hands to bring home for others. You shine light on my daily rebuilding of structure through my careful words like bricks in a tall wall, Shiva! yet i still want to say "look! see! there is such wonder!" so i string garlands of words that i offer to You because i overflow with rejoicing that you're here. i am blazing with Your presence & the light leaks out, cascading in these limited words i can't curtail.
bits & pieces
now i know which things keep me from You: warmth of hot showers, food i prefer, wanting other people to like me. i am very happy to get them & quite unhappy in their absence. by wanting some things & not others i chop my life into bits & pieces & i lose You in the confusion. i will make You the strong thread that all the bits & pieces are strung upon. I will give You the complete garland because i want You the most, Shiva! without You my whole life is empty.
above all
body, personality, ego: biggest problem! everything that upsets me points to all of this: irritable impatience, self-referencing, strong preferences, lack of mental discipline. You have laid it out for me clearly, Lord Shiva! i'm easily distracted by daily events. i must repeatedly train the mind to silence, to focus in the heart & third eye; above all, to hold fast to Your divine presence, Lord Shiva.
just as i am
You keep on limiting my experiences with people & calling me back to You for yet deeper sadhana. i think that i was not embodied for this human world but rather to serve as an expression of Your outreach. could it truly be that this inner life is my service? that i am to cleave to You alone & simply to love? that my presence here on this earth is to bless everything without attachment to striving & doing & having? am i enough for You, Shiva, just as i am, like this? i bow to You in gratitude for all You have given. You are my source & my refuge, dear divine companion, & enough has been shared in all these clumsy words: now, Shiva, my heart will speak to You in simple silence.
inner weather
a grey mood squats heavily on my head, dropping a veil on the face of the day, muting sound & body, muffling the mind. this inner weather comes with no warning, wrapping around me in a strangling shroud. i'm a zombie shuffling stubbornly through daily routines in dull obedience. Shiva, my thoughts & feelings are all wrapped in multiple layers of sticky webs, trapping my fingers & feet immobile. my call to You sounds like a croaking frog. there is no color in my life today, just one thing after another to do in an endless succession of demand. ah Shiva! You are sky opening up! You are tree that calls me to its shade, the burst of sweet birdsong that pierces the veil of the ordinary & mundane. You are the bright sun & i am a ray You sent to shine in this shadowy world. the grey mood is blushing rosy pink now. a burst of glory unfurls in the sky & You are here in Your fullness, Shiva! that inner weather is all-consuming when it has its grim day of dominion. dear Shiva! now i know the password to exit that grey place of oblivion: it is Your name! i call You ceaselessly, i call You persistently. You are life, & touch my heart & i belong to You. please forgive the long forgetful grey days when i lapse & the body weighs heavy & my wanting You is but a dull ache. i vow that i'll always return to You as vision returns to opening eyes, & lovers forever return to love.
wild gift
a spider spoke into my ear
as i ambled under her home
in a tree at springtime twilight.
it was a small squeaky warble
with a soprano chittering.
i felt her message in my mind:
"wake up!" she exclaimed, "wake up now!"
i stopped, startled, for i had not
heard a spider speak before &
thus, came to a complete awareness.
earth had opened her heart to me
& i bowed in awed gratitude
before this wild gift that collapsed
my abstraction like a pin prick.
my heart expanded as i soared
into the wholeness of wonder
which is life, when we awaken.
You sent me that spider, my love,
another of Your reminders.
that tiny modulated tone
alerted me to awareness
of the unseen world i wander
as i return to You, Shiva.
for this
hanging ripe upon the vine, my fragrance scents the air. will You pluck me now, my love? we both hunger for this.
this holy dance
when You came to me at first, Shiva, i was newly mature in body & yet a child in my mind & heart. You were beautiful & good & kind & You revealed that You loved me & that i was good & perfect at heart, & You held me within Your own heart, so very close that i became love. i melted into endless vast love, wanted it like oxygen & light -- to be enfolded & suspended in goodness, beauty & gentleness! transcendent, divine, all-pervading! when You came to me at first, Shiva, i was tender & raw in this world, betrayed & broken down to sorrow. therefore i returned from our union in amazed disbelief that such love could ever be mine. i turned away. i turned away from Your light & love in shame at my own disordered life, undeserving of pure divine love. i plunged down a precipitous path in thoughtless, careless exploration. i would descend to the depths; i chose to discern the domain of darkness. i shut You out in raging despair, throwing myself away to the world, a boulder rolling down a mountain. i could not bear the weight of Your light. thus darkness swallowed me entirely & i wallowed in grey shame & pain while the universe wheeled around me in ecstatic song, calling my name. calling my name again & again, tapping me on the head, sending me visions of You loving me, Shiva, until i slowly lifted my face to see You offer a love letter. i accepted it, took it to heart, soaked up Your love like dry ground in rain & moved forward from the shadowland. You set me free when i was able to accept such glorious freedom. i no longer turn away, Shiva. You are my doorway, sun, moon & stars. i open to You in devotion. You're a patient lover, i am shy. i am divinely touched & entered. Here i am, as an open window, as a portal to deep mystery, forever changed by what i have known. i am an old woman writing this. i confess that i want You so much i secretly call You "my Shiva." You will come for me at body's death. i aim to yield & melt into You like egg & sperm in divine rapture. everything temporal & human dissolves in this ultimate union. hold me in Your embrace, my Shiva, gliding in this holy dance with me, eternal lover & companion! whirl me & turn me & take me home!
