- to encourage anyone, anywhere, in their exploration of the spiritual path that calls to them even if others don’t understand. you are not alone.
- to inform other seekers that the regular writing of poetry about the relationship with your Deity of choice can enrich life tremendously. the same is true about painting and drawing images of the Deity of your choice. it can bring the relationship alive & facilitate deeper communion.
- to demonstrate that sincerity & devotion in this approach to the spiritual is fundamental & more essential than talent or skill in writing or art.
- to urge especially those who are in the latter years of life to deepen the focus on the nonphysical spiritual realm. poetry & art can help greatly with this.
- to express & fulfill my dedication & devotion to Shiva, who has shown me all that i have painted & written about. He began with the nonverbal intuitive paintings, continued with the verbal expressive poetry & now moves to the global cyber realm. this is my service to Shiva, the Deity of choice who guides my life. (essentially this is my sadhana journal & all the images are from my camera unless otherwise noted. all the poetry is syllabic: same number of syllables in each line.) may you be inspired & energized in your own explorations & journey! namaste!
the woods in the deep of the night
the woods at deep twilight smell sweet & moist, immersed in the subtle allure of the night's hidden magic. the roosting crows in repose mutter good night to one another in soft clicks & croaks. shadows settle over the trees, descending from the hands of the sky like a shawl to wrap the woods in featureless & faceless protection. sharp details belong to the day, are necessary to see for the accomplishments & unveilings that take place under the sun. deeds are done & tasks await: gathering & dispersing happens. order is valued & scripts are offered for all the roles & their requirements. survival is the bottom line. i hold myself in to fit within the narrow slot allotted for those such as me. but at night, in the mysterious woods, none of that bright world rules. here in the darkness, the unknown & irrational prevail, & the shadows may be doorways opening into other realms. You come to me through those shadows, Shiva, & tell me of wonders beyond. You touch my heart & unlock it, & i will forever thank You for this, for coming to me. i will forever thank You, Shiva. the woods in full nightfall smell sweet & moist, an invitation to deeper magic. Shiva, soon the moon will rise high & the darkling playmates emerge from hiding. there's a song in my heart that escapes through my lips & it stands as a motto for this entire life. "i mean no harm; i am passing through. i celebrate all existence." thank You, Shiva, for urging me out to befriend the darkness & the unfamiliar. You hold me in Your hands & in Your heart & i hold on to You forever. You take away my concern & You leave me with Your grace, here in the woods in the deep of the night.
other levels of the game
if i were to immerse myself in a cyberspace virtual world,
it would be akin to what i am doing here in this world of the
western mindset. here i train the body to be the compassionate
detached observer of life's unfolding events through the various
daily dramas. i seek to navigate them consciously & kindly.
this brings the exit door of maya's theater of thrills into view
& more options become available, other levels of the game.
i search for the source & essence of that which captivates my desire.
where does all this creation come from? how does it originate? how
else to find out than to venture deeply within, beyond the realm of
maya's dramas to the emanating inner point of awareness?
by way of immersion into the secret chamber of the heart, i
find Shiva, the lord of the animal body, who abides therein.
He shepherds me through the iterations of change to the very source.
Shiva has various names & forms & they are all teachers & guides.
when i turn my focus inwards, away from the changing outer world
towards the realm within myself, Shiva likewise turns His face to me
in the way that i can best resonate with & respond to. i have
guidance & the warm sustenance of subtle divine companionship.
Shiva is the steward of virtual reality, counting this
one i find myself in at the birth of this body. He is quite set
upon awakening me to my full potential of awareness.
i accept His offer! Let the good times roll in total immersion!
these wings
i rise into flight & i break into song, into a thousand thousand pieces. they all have their own holy lives & they have their own wings as they fly off to do their own duties. surely songs are free beings with their own dharma after they emerge from the lips: they have their own journeys to set out upon. i carried them all when they were tender & small & it's time now to let them go free. i break out of the prison i carefully made out of rules, roles & regulations. i'm cutting the cords; i'm leaving the matrix. i'm fully out of the chrysalis now, shedding the confining tight old skin & spreading my wings into the rising sunlight. they glow & they know just where to go, & i am but a passenger. Shiva, these wings will take me to You: what else can be their purpose? what else can they do but take me to You? that's what this life is for.
the open doorway of the sky
things that float & fly trigger primal joy & amazement in us: birds, butterflies, bubbles & balloons; airplanes, spaceships, ufos. they draw our attention up to the sky, to the sun, moon & stars & other wonders too precious & arcane to divide into diagrams of nouns, verbs & their modifiers, arranged much like bricks in a wall to assure properly predictable results. things that float & fly need abundant space, emptiness, freedom, an openness so vast that the human mind pours itself into a quietude that watches & wonders without structured boundaries. You came to me in that way, Shiva, through the open doorway of the sky, & You established Your home in my heart. You made of me a temple, a place of worship & rejoicing over all these long years since my youth. You were my nameless, invisible companion & confidant & i was the one who held You close. now, at the endgame of this life, You have given me Your name to strengthen my sadhana & to encourage me to continue on here. i'm as though among the singers in a chorus, holding the notes steady & pouring my heart into the great thundering sonic concluding celebration of soaring sound. You lift me skyward, Shiva; You take me to that high place inside that feels like being on a mountain top with all the shining mystery spread before me. i fall into You, into that mystery, & it is none other than the vast undivided Self that exists free of definition & delusion. here, at the outer edge of words, things that float, fly & fall need boundless space, emptiness & freedom.
juggling soap bubbles
some things are just too precious & delicate to speak of in human words. they wiggle sideways, squirm & slide away & only the yearning to touch that mystic realm remains. it is more real & alive than anything down here that comes with rules & penalties. it has taken my heart hostage & the baffled mind is left juggling soap bubbles by the light of the dim waning moon, murmuring softly. Shiva walks the burning grounds in clouds of dust & ashes. i join my steps with His by the flickering of the fire, & he lays a crown of soap bubbles on my waiting head. i smile & do not speak. my heart is full. there are no words. they finally fall short. i walk silently with Shiva. nothing given in words lasts, but the heart can point the way.
the spider trilogy 3: angel, arachnid or alien?
i do not know how tightly i guard the borders of the body until an attentive & curious little spider demonstrates it to me. i am so intently aware of her that i feel like i'm vibrating. the net of the mind is held tight over one alert spider: we study one another for long intense intervals over the day & a half that she is here. she takes periodic rest breaks & retires into the dark havens of shadows & i maintain vigilance about where i place these large human feet when i walk. i examine my whole environment carefully so i won't inadvertently harm her. i am akin to a guitar string pulled really tight for the span of the spider's visit. only after she takes leave & departs do i realize how very powerful & concentrated the energy has been during her stay. i am not at ease with insects or spiders at all, so i had been in emergency alert mode for the entire time my visitor is here. as days pass by & the energies mellow, i realize at last that the little spider who stayed & studied me had left a barren place in my life. it is rather like the silence of an empty house after the beloved guest has gone. i miss the presence that had brought me such focus. she is more to me than merely a spider. she is a visitor who has come through Shiva to teach me. my sadhana is to pay attention. i love how miraculous life is! she had only a walk-on role, yet she made a very deep impression on me & has left me pondering. i know that everything is of value in the divine ecology. Shiva, all of us serve a vital function as part of a vast wholeness. since we all are important, i can't know if a spider is an angel, an arachnid or an alien, so i am grateful for all beings. beyond the surface appearance: we are holy, we are blessed, we are one.
the spider trilogy 2: into the mystery
little spider, i am surprised that i miss you & the intensity of your being overlighted by a vaster intelligence & will. i felt as if a great mothership hovered overhead, surrounding us in a numinous mystical energy field. everything was vivid, crisp & focussed. it was powerful, unsettling, yet it was also like a surprise visit by an honored & well-loved celebrity of note. little spider, you touch my life in a tender way, like a gentle tap on the shoulder to awaken me. you have changed my perspective away from the conditioned, limited humanocentric view towards a far broader & more inclusive way of seeing life. your visit has blessed me. thank You, Shiva, for this exalting & humbling experience, which clearly demonstrates to me that all things & beings are far more than the face which they ordinarily reveal. we all, without exception, are sacred seeds of the uttermost divine deity & we would do well to recognize this & to treat each other in just this very manner. what a powerful thing, to hold one another in the esteem of our focussed attention. it's like sitting by a clear rushing stream that blesses with the ripple & surge of its cooling flow. the energy is healing, & i thank You, Shiva, for taking me with You into the mystery.
the spider trilogy 1: the spider who taught me
i am sitting on the toilet when i see the spider watching me from the corner of the room. she is not large, yet has my attention. i am carefully tracking her since i can't go to her at this time. she moves to sit in front of the door & now my attention wanders. when next i look, she is gone. when i rise from the toilet, i check out the corners & crannies of the room: i don't see her. i carefully, slowly, alertly return to my room, searching for her. here she is! sitting in front of my recliner! we examine each other from across the room. i talk to her, explaining that i would like to take her carefully outside where i am fully convinced that she would be happier. i speak in a sweetly soothing voice & go to get my spider-catcher, a clear plastic drinking glass with poster-board lid to slide over the opening. i return to see her yet sitting by my recliner. i move slowly toward her, still speaking soothingly. when she sees the glass in my nearing hand, she quickly scurries away, out of sight. i sit in my chair, transferring the glass to the little table in front, still talking to the spider. she slowly emerges from hiding & returns to sit in front of my chair. i simply talk companionably to her & slowly reach for the spider-catcher, calmly rising with it in my hand. again, upon seeing the glass, she scuttles rapidly away, disappearing from my sight once more. i apologize to her for causing fear & explain that outside truly is better than in here, but she does not show herself again to me. hours later she returns to sit by me, seemingly still curious. i am determined to safely remove her, but she won't permit it: whenever she sees me with the glass in hand, she speedily departs. the next day i ponder this wonder-filled visiting spider event. she seems as intent on watching me as i am on watching her. she does seem to make certain that i see her, so it seems that perhaps she is giving me a message. an exchange of energy does take place: i can feel the connective charge between us, the mutual regard. slowly, like the sun rising over the far horizon, i begin to understand more of this event. Shiva, You teach me by coming as a spider to awaken me to the great holy realm of small earthly life. oh! didn't i just write a poem about maya's web? that's a spider-friendly image, & the lesson is to do what one must with conscious awareness & with kind & full intent to bless, while safely navigating maya's alluring situation set-ups. there is no judgement involved. it is all too vast & mysterious for heavy-handed words or confining concepts to seize & capture. i set my pen & paper down as i prepare to rise from the chair. wait! what is this? again my gaze lights upon the intrepid spider who taught me so very much, sitting here once more at my feet right now! a flood of wonder rushes all through me. the spider moves aside to sit nearby & i grab my smartphone to take her picture. she poses calmly. i move to get the spider-catcher & she moves too, swiftly gone now. this is no ordinary spider, accepting the smartphone held in my hand, yet fearing a glass held in that same hand! does she know my thoughts? i can't help but laugh in amazement at this glorious, outrageous display of divine playfulness! what else is there to do in the face of such events? anything is possible: Shiva can play the role of a spider. all life is holy & blessed in the midst of this pure sacred rising toward the endless glory of the light of being. all life is included in this abiding divine downpour of love.
comicstrip superhero
i am a modular being, layered like a cake. the body, mind & feelings compose the ego-personality layers, & the witness stands central as portal to You, Shiva, making the cake of me multidimensional, bridging & blending realms, giving You access through me to pour bright energy to the world. as witness i'm like a comicstrip superhero, peeling off the outer layers of my disguise. i step forth when the need calls to be the willing witness who can see the gift of the patterns organizing the richly varied drama of daily life. i aim to be detached so that no harm can ever befall me. yet maya still seduces by lavishing me with my fondest wishes, now fulfilled, luring me back to her sticky web. desires i never knew were there have merely lurked just beneath the surface, awaiting their cue to surge forward, & i am stuck yet again. i'm caught once more in a situation i never saw coming & don't want to let go, all layered enticingly & well. where is my one-pointed awareness? where is my heart flying free? where is that cool-headed detachment when i'm stuck here in maya's web? You've brought out my hidden attachments, Shiva, the acceptance i had never dared hope for before, & i get to unravel the ties & the knots that i wasn't aware were there. it feels like do-it-yourself open-heart surgery, & i'm clumsy at best. maya entices me to plunge into the world where i'm whirled through the cycles, the ups & the downs, with many a story to tell. Shiva, You use all of maya's ruses to hone my edges as sharp as keen knives that i freely may cut through the many ties that weigh me down, bind tight & hold me back. i need to see it all through to the final credits at the end & then the lights will come on again. You will be revealed by my side to the inner vision as maya shifts the scene & the music rises to bridge to the next episode. the detached witness rises once more within to do it all again, yet on a higher turn of maya's spiral. this is our dance, Shiva, round after round, recognizing & then refining the moves of the drama, turning the darkness to light.
it can’t be hidden
beyond all form & function, beyond the need for a name: within the innermost vastness, deep, unknown & dark, You are here now in bold vivid presence. i don't know just how i discern it, yet i feel You as if You're my own breath, soft & full way down inside me, warm & welcome within, moving gently although unseen, known in silence alone. breath rises & falls & even speech is quiet at last, yet still You remain lingering in Your home in the heart. beyond all form & function, beyond the need for a name: even so, i call You Shiva, the name that is inscribed somewhere inside so deeply down it can't ever be lost, even within the vastness unknown, where it shines as a spark of Your light. it can't be hidden; it can't be quenched.
dancing shadow shapes
the wind is playing with the newly-leafed tresses of the nearby trees today, tossing them about as if they were the long curls of intense & passionate spanish dancers. i only see their shadows on my curtains, but oh, how joyous they seem to be, flinging & swinging their new spring leaves in dramatic sweeping curves of visual gratitude! deep within, Shiva, there is springtime in the soul as well, reaching out eagerly to You in Your guise as the solar winds to dance in grand cosmic revelry. although i cannot see it directly, i do notice the evidence of light & freely given exuberant wonder & joyousness. i am stretching full out to catch it in the fingers of subtle new awareness & discerning observation. in this world, only the form is seen, & it too is beautiful in the way that graceful moving shadows are when cast upon a curtain. they draw us to open wide the curtain that we may see truly with direct perception rather than partially & obliquely only. yes, Shiva, everywhere i look i see Your messages & teachings. the dancing shadow shapes of the leafing trees are Your fleeting greetings, giving rise to a broad smile on my face & melting warmth in the heart.
lying fallow
sometimes i am a garden lying fallow after harvest, stripped of my nourishing abundance. my leaves are brown & crisp, stalks & stems are brittle & broken, scattered on the resting earth as a testament to blessings given generously. i can breathe into the earth even when i cannot reach for the shining sky, so i go deep, deep down past the spent dry roots. i sleep, forgetful of bright springtime & sun, returning the physical substance to its origin. i dream. i dream of You, Shiva, Who planted me here & cultivated my pure essence & reaped my natural bounty. it has emerged from tiny hard seeds hidden in the darkness of the ground, & grown to lift many arms & hands up to praise the sun & honor the moon. it has been glorious, & i thank You, Shiva, as i release the firm form into the cool darkness & soft dust of the waiting earth. lying fallow is also part of the process that yields the next abundant harvest in its own time. hold me, Shiva. hold me as i rest quietly without care, dreaming of formlessness & freedom from this human dharma.
a marker on the path
it is as if i have been granted access to a dimension previously unknown to me. evening enfolds, & the other residents are in bed as the mind's silence now invites peace to embrace. i relax in my recliner, contemplating the soft surrounding space stretching above me & all around. my eyes lose their concrete focus & widen into the shifting shadow & light of the dancing air. it is as if the focus of my eyes has adjusted to a more rarified realm. i can no longer separate the vision of the physical eye from the mind's eye. gradually i become aware of two vague beings on either side of me. i slowly understand that they are benefactors, healers, & that i am one of their charges. we communicate wordlessly as they share their healing energy, which i accept, leaning back in my recliner. i come to understand that this interpenetrating higher dimension is always present, freely offering access to uplifting energies. my own vibratory rate has apparently quickened enough now to allow contact. this information flows into me to comfort with pure intent. all is warmly radiant with the light of truth & the fragrance of cosmic love interpenetrates everything. i relax into the healing blessing of this new frequency. awareness has deepened & expanded to include so much more! even after the passage of time back here in this world of flesh, blood & bone, i can feel the benevolent subtle presence of this more refined vibratory realm, a place of healing indeed! thank you for the warm encouragement, Shiva! i am heartened & energized to continue on, for i have now experienced that which was previously known through the intellect alone. though that is is not my goal, Shiva, it stands as a marker on the path of return to You, who are the focus of my attention. You alone dwell in my heart, which now sings Om Namah Shivaya!
THIS HAPPENED 